Satire
Victorians have already begun distancing themselves from the Harbour City team in the wake of their dismal performance in the AFL decider.
For a short but memorable time, there was nostalgic talk of the old South Melbourne vs Fitzroy rivalry, while the rest of the country revelled in the first interstate grand final since the 2006 contest between West Coast and the Sydney Swans.
That the Swans played and lost that grand final should have been a warning sign to Victorians hoping to blow in on the celebrations.
Fresh from getting their temporary Melbourne Storm tattoos inked, they sipped their lattes as dejected Sydney fans dragged their feet out of the MCG.
Some tried to catch an earlier flight home despite the surcharged prices.
“At least I can walk home, it’ll be a long drive back to Sydney,” local Chadley Hunter-Jones said.
“Under South Melbourne, we won three premierships. Look at Sydney’s record. Scraped by with two. Must be a northern state thing.”
He reportedly tried to sell his reserved seat on Facebook marketplace at half-time.
Just as Russell Crowe is an Oscar-winning Australian actor, unless he throws a telephone then he’s a Kiwi, Victorians will only claim the South Melbourne connection if the Bloods actually win.
In 1982, South Melbourne relocated to Sydney and ultimately became the Swans, which is perhaps where the trouble began.
Nick Blakey and Oliver Florent of the Swans look dejected after a loss to Richmond. (Photo by Michael Willson/AFL Photos via Getty Images)
However, some point to the transfer of leadership from Paul Roos to John Longmire as the true indictor that Sydney entered their grand final hoodoo era.
Many have pointed out that Roos established the playing side that Longmire simply inherited when the latter last won a grand final in 2012.
Despite four premiership appearances in recent years, the real test came down to performing on the day.
At the current rate, Wimbledon darling Ash Barty’s mindset coach Ben Crowe needs to step in to help Sydney overcome their nerves.
Still, many fans and players themselves were shocked to learn that winning a grand final is still really difficult.
In Swan years, it was long overdue.
Even golden boy Isaac Heeney was missing in action. Fans thought he might pull off one of those death-defying leaps, when they remembered Jack Buckley was not there to act as a step ladder.
Instead Heeney battled a stress fracture and watched on from the bench as his side capitulated.
An anonymous Sydney fan, who did not want to be named, claimed he was the one with the real stress fracture.
“I’ve been trying for the ballot since 1996,” he said.
“Signed up my boy to the MCC before I got him on the private school lists. Attended every match at the SCG and bought all the merchandise from the Swan Shop.”
“I’m just tired,” he said.
Meanwhile in the other northern state, the Fitzroy brand is well and truly alive.
Hunter-Jones might even attend the grand final party closeby.
“Go the Lions. Or are they the Gorillas,” he asked.
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